Lifelong Lesson

"Nobody but YOU are responsible for your life"

                                                                                                -Oprah-

The wake-up call i got from watching Oprah last week. Whatever happen in my life was ALL because of ME...ME...and ME alone. I'm totally responsible for the energy i created for my life...

as what Oprah said,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Its already done. All the energy that you spend trying to hurt somebody else, that energy will turn around and slap you in the face"

and i definitely don't want to get slapped ...i know i'm not perfect (at least i know NOBODY is)...

Things that have happened around me...rather than thinking of how to get even, i would just LET THEM BE...i'm tired of dealing with mentally-sicked people...so, let them do what they want...let them say what they want...let them think what they want...asalkan diorg bahagia, buat lar apepun...

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!

Quiet...quiet...quiet day (^o^

its a totally difference ambiance today compared to last year...

1. if last year, i had a boisterous shoutings of birthday songs, this year nobody even noticed the date...(except for closest friends).

2. if last year, we went out for our normal seafood getaway, this year i decided to fast on my birthday.

3. if last year, we just stayed home and celebrate, this year we went to KK and i gave myself a brand-new carlo rino bag collection (yg sampai skang pon blom pakai2 lg nih).

my colleagues asked why i decided to fast on my birthday and why i keep on refusing their invitations for birthday dinner / luncheon (*O*) well, i just don't feel like celebrating this year...just not in the mood.
and i obviously hate the fact that the number keeps on increasing every year..though people always said, "its just a number" TAKPE...i know that but WHY CAN'T IT STAY CONSTANT???

i miss the old days...i miss the university years...all those fun things that we had for 5-miserable (tuh perasaan time muda2 dulu lar) years...i just wish i could experience them back.

AND,if  i were given the chance to go back,

I KNOW I WON'T CHANGE A THING (^o^)

i love all those miserable years...

i love all the fighting...all the rows...

i love all the giggles...all the stupid jokes...

i love all the outings (yg kadang2 x balik2)...

i love all the rejected assignments...project papers...

i love all the presentations...group/individual works...

i love EVERYTHING - especially i love being YOUNG and kicking.

if only i can be 18 forever....

life is soooooo LOUD

i always (for this 2010/2011 batch of students lar) love tuesday...
tuesday is serenity...
tuesday is tranquility...
tuesday is peacefulness...
tuesday is the day where i would normally have a lot of FREE time doing nothing in the office...
tuesdays would be the day where i normally had a quiet time at my place staring into the computer screen (well, actually most of the time the computer screen was staring at me...)

BUT, not today (*O*)
Tuesday on the 28th September 2010 is not serene...
Tuesday on the 28th September 2010 is not tranquil...
Tuesday on the 28th September 2010 is not peaceful...

i've been hearing students' sopranos + altos at the top of their voice singing the birthday song (*O*) my birthday...there's nothing much i can say to that...not that i'm not happy...I AM (^O^) i SERIOUSLY am...but when you have reached that number "3", birthdays are not something that you look forward into anymore...
anyway, i really appreciate my students' effort in singing their heart out despite hearing some of the 'cynical' teasing remarks from my colleagues. 

THANK YOU ALL (^o^)

me and my tongue...

i didnt notice that i've totally changed in manners and attitude as i aged...
my tongue is getting faster at judging + commenting + critisizing + gossipping others...
i dont really bother about what people think...and i obviously dont bother of what they feel...
until one of my colleague pointed out to me straight to my face...
OMG!!!
i've become a very2 mean person nowadays....heartless with a cold-blooded tongue - who says things without thinking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmTf_tsNMnY

i dont want to regret later as i'm afraid that the all the hurt that i've caused will be permanent...and i know a permanent damage cannot be mended...

words can kill...
words can put us down...
words can destroy everything...
words can determine who you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvTe7ZHa7cs

Ya Allah...help me to change (*O*) i dont want to be remembered as "perempuan ber mulut celupar". 
From now on, i will try (my best) to watch  what i said not to hurt others feeling...please god help me in this.

teacher, lecturer or educator???

teacher, lecturer or educator???

what's the difference?

what does it matter...

for those ignorance.

teacher, lecturer or educator???

what does it mean?

teach, lecture and educate scholar...

to get their life ascertain.

teacher, lecturer or educator???

what does it resemble?

we do all the role-player...

just to satisfy all those 'grimmish' disabled???

teacher, lecturer or educator???

when will this end?

just hope..just pray for your heart desire...

never unless we get a concussion.

teacher, lecturer or educator...

just enjoy the torture... 

we'll get our 'toast'...

once they stop to boast.

*sigh*

today is just not my day...(~,~)

my chest feels heavy... and I'm exhausted, mentally + emotionally tired.

its all because of the students (one student in particular) attitude.....
the one who keeps on blaming others for their own flaws.....
the one who knows his weaknesses but did nothing to change as if the weaknesses can eventually disappear on its own...
i just couldn't take it anymore so i asked him to come and see me personally...
he came but with a 'bodyguard'.....
i chased the 'bodyguard' away as i said i need to talk to him in private...so the 'bodyguard' went off...

AND
i started the conversation with a light topic....
firstly, i started talking + asking him about his family + studies + friends until i eventually came to the main topic of the day = his problems in english class....MY english class....
at first he responded, he admitted he's weak in the language...
so i asked, what would u do about it since u know you are weak???
he said, 'nothing!!..mcm tu saja lah...
i asked what do you mean by that???
he said, 'dah mmg lemah...mcm tu saja lah...dah lemah, nak buat apa lg???
i asked him to come and see me every afternoon after class for extra + private tuition, but he refused by saying that NOTHING can be done... he's weak...(AGAIN with that answer)
with that, he seriously has pushed the right button...
(*O*)
so, i started to talk about his family, about his responsibility of being the eldest son of a "petani" family...about him being the role model for his siblings....
he stopped looking at me...
and started to cry.....sobbing like h*** (but, come to think of it now (*O*) it looks like crocodile tears to me...)
so, i gave him some quiet time.
after a while, i started asking him again, but he refused to say anything...

i left him at my place while i was attending my other students who came for consultation....

he was at my place for more than one hour...but, that doesnt change anything....
his attitude before leaving my place was still disappointing...
he was STILL refusing my help....

he refused my suggestion on the extra class....he even refused my other suggestions to improve his english.... he practically refused anything...EVERYTHING!!!
what more can i say???what more can i do???

WHAT ELSE CAN A TEACHER DO???

some people did say: 

You can be a doctor and save lives...

You can a a lawyer and defend lives...

You can be a soldier and protect lives...

or

You can just simply be yourself...

A teacher who touches lives. 

p/s: i just dont see any point in "touching people's lives" if they still refuse to do anything with their OWN lives. 

*sigh*

 

mystery...

Life's a mystery...some can see in the dark, 

some get lost in the bright light, 

some are proud to announce what they dont have, 

some deny what they have, 

some hide the obvious, 

and others display the non-existent...

thats how colourful life is...

so, what is your mystery of life???

 

life is funny...

i love tuesdays....only in the year 2010....
people are saying funny things to me today...

the first occurance:
i was busy typing handouts on sample essays to be given to my new batch of students as they gave me a total "crap" when i asked them to write an essay yesterday when a friend came to me....hush...hush and told me that she dreamt of me last night... i was practically screaming before i asked for details...

friend: i have something urgent to tell u wor...kalo x hati tak tenang nnt...
me:what???ape yg penting sgt sampai ati x tenang nih???
friend: i dreamt of u last night....

i screamed....

me:OMG!!! me????why me???
friend:no...its not u alone...there are other people also....
me:so, citer sampai abes mimpi tuh......
friend: i dreamt u and *[name has to be put a secret] are a "夫妇"....


so, i said....

me: nasib baik.....thank god u have dreamt of that...meaning that its not going to be true lar because mimpi kn selalunya makna dia terbalik..... (hopefully)


the second occurance: 
i was bored, so i started calling everybody in my list....
one of them is liza, my bestie
me: are u busy??? (she's teaching an afternoon session)...
liza: going to be busy in a few minutes (she has class)...why???
me: saja jer....nothing to do....nak mengumpat
liza: bagus2...cepat, kita nak mengumpat sapa nih???
me: tp, i have no one in particular lar....
liza: kalo camtu, nak tanye nih...ko ade pelaris tak???(as she just opens a new restaurant in tawau)
me: weih makcik, kalo aku ada pelaris dah lama arr aku nih kene sambar ngan org...tuh soklan menghina ke hape tuh???
liza: ...ok2....(before she laughed out loud....)...ju, nnt sok2 kalo ko dah laris tepon aku balik yer....nak kene p klas dah nih...babai..
me: antoo btol arr...haish!!!


so, the gist of the story today....
AWAT SUMA ORANG NAK AKU LARIS CEPAT2 NIH??? what's wrong with being single???

haish (^o^) hohoho

my new hobby = mooching around
this is the thing i do best now...doing nothing (^o^)
dok umah golek-golek...
xbuat pape keje memang sungguh membahagiakan (^O^) hohoho

and i've been very bad to my fren...
from one day to another, i keep on giving promises to my friend -
"ok2...arini kita makan kt umah, kita masak"
tp everyday gak aku wat muka sedey ajak dia pegi makan kt luar jugak...
and it works everytime (^O^) hohoho...

Ntah arrr....xtau arr ngape, tahap kemalasan semakin melampau2 skang nih....
malas btol nak masuk dapor and memasak -
except for weekend arr...weekend memang i'll force myself to cook...
weekend jelah masa nak btol2 dok umah and doing nothing other than eating and sleeping + eating and sleeping + eating and sleeping

so, approximately (kalo di kira-kirakan) dah nak masuk  byk mggu gak aku memberi janji2 palsu konon nak memasak...haish (*O*)

tapi, badan tak larat arr...
balik opis pon dah lambat pastu nak kene memasak plak...
kengkadang ade gak rase2 nak menggaji daily maid yg akan tggu aku sampai umah dengan makanan yg dah sedia terhidang kt atas meja...
HAISSSSHHHHHHHH (*O*) alangkah bgusnya...

kalo nak di ikotkan...
arini aku sepatutnya makan kt umah..
because i'm not feeling well so aku xbleh (konon) kene angin malam, x bgus ntok org yg tak sehat...
tapi, macam biase arr aku wat muka seposen aku tuh + lagi dgn alasan aku pose tuh + mengidam (konon) nak makan chicken chop plak...
so, kami end-up makan kt luar lg arini...

tapi, aku dah janji (lg sekali) kt my fren yg esok akan masak di rumah...
akan ku cuba ntok memasak...
akan ku pastikan kami makan kt umah jer esok...

TAPI...
aku tak dpt pastikan samada aku akan berjaya (^o^) hohoho

life isn't easy...

LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS EASY...

 life can be unfair at time,

when you must maintain faith and never let go..

it is especially during the difficult times,

that you must live your life to its fullest potential. 

LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS EASY..

but if you keep going and persevere to the very best of your ability,

you will gain strength to manage the new challenges ahead..

ALWAYS BELIEVE

that they are bright and wonderful days ahead for you

and YOU will find them...(anonymous)

life is not always easy...
but most people seem to forget that fact...

today, u might be on the top of the world, u have fun...lavishly pouring all da good things on u...
giving urself da best of everything...never look back...never care about people around u...
totally forgetting about others...as if u OWN da world....

but, remember...GOD IS GREAT!!!

as tomorrow u might shatter to pieces...everything will be gone in a split second...u'll b left wif nothing...and dats when u'll come crawling+begging for others to help...
WHY NOW??? kenapa bile time susah jer ingt org lain???time senang+kaya-raya...mkn sndirik2...time susah mula arr wat muka seposen mintak org tolong...nak wat ape?????

One thing for sure...LIFE IS NOT EASY...never is...never will...

so, why are people(some people) PURPOSELY making their life MORE miserable...MORE complicated...
is it for da challenge??? is it for da fun of it??? is it for da fact dat u expected to get MORE in life and yet u cant reach ur target??? ur expectation is too high???

go 2 hell wif da target + expectation...sometimes we hv to lower our EGO and start thinking of others...even only for a while...

how i despise those kinda people...who wait 4 miracle to fall on their laps...
if i'm given a license to kill, they'll be da first one to be shot to death...NO COMPROMISE!!!
if only i can....hurmmmmmmmm...

life yg pemalas....

breakfast with a lamb chop and iced honey-lemon...haishhhh!!! xpenah di buat org mkn lamb pepagi buta...
a very good way to kill urself... (^o^) huhu...

abes tuh nak wat cemane lg...dats the only thing in the fridge...
lgpon mls nak msk nasik...nnt kalo msk nasik kene msk lauk2...leceh arr...
lamb just campak jer dlm oven+potato then just wait for the "ding" sound...
settle...
xyah nak tggu2...nak kacau2...nak tgk2...simple and nice...

but, the problem  nyer, by noon aje dah setat lapo blik....(!_!)
ape nak mentekedarah lg nih...nak kene msk nasik gak ker???
xmooooo...

at last, i resort to 'cheese+tuna sandwich'...sama gak mcm lamb...msk oven, tinggal jer (^O^)
huahuahuaha....LIFE IS GOOD!!!

cinta HIPPO dan KURA-KURA...

i spent my whole day watching tv...
starting from a GLEE marathon to heroes to grey's anatomy to desperate housewives to Oprah....
oprah is having a valentine's day marathon...so, everything is about love...

what attract my attention was when oprah invited a guy "steve harvey" - the writer of "Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man"...he said "god does not create a man and never let u not see him...

learnt a lot from him tonite...what men think...what to expect from them...da facts that we hv to know about men...1 thing that i agree is about "DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARD"...we, women should hv our own standard and never lower our standard to suit the men's expectation...the right man will come (eventually)...he's somewhere out there, waiting to be discovered...

 its just that some of us hv to wait a little longer...never gv up hope...like what steve said :"god does not create a man and never let u not see him"...we just hv to be patient (^o^)

therefore, i wanna share two links:

a love story that amazed me most (^o^)...
of hippo and tortoise...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2Kc2y-geiU

just another additional link to share...(^v^)
cinta adam dan hawa by misha omar...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw9a5w-t_7Y

p/s: "If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater." Anonymous

love life...

still in a "love" mode..

staying alone on valentines' day made me think of lots of things...especially about love...

love (to me) is UNIVERSAL...

love to GOD...

our love towards our parents...

love our family+brothers+sister

love among friends...

love the students...

love...love...love...

so, why restrict urself to love only certain people when u can actually love all of them at once...
but, the most important thing of all is...love YOURSELF first then u can start loving others...

dont stop believing...

dont stop believing...


i found this cool clip...enjoy (^v^)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIoSTbPt_PI&feature=related


when people start talking bout marriage life, i will try to shun away(kalo bole arr...tp selalu nyer akan t'tangkap gak...haishhhhhh)...susah btol arrr...xtau arr kenapa org luar yg lg sibuk2 bz bodi ngan ur life instead of ur parents/family...kn????pelik kn (*O*)....hurmmm...ntah larr...diorg takot kita p mngorat husband diorg kot...dats y beria2 sgt nak kita kawen cepat2...at least once we are married....they feel relieved arr sket, kurang lg sorg competitor (^o^) ....

when talking bout marriage...i will normally take my ex-K.U as my idol...she got married at da age of 40++ and she's blissfully happy now...alhamdulillah...(^v^)v

and whenever i said i adore her, she would always laugh(out loud)..."that's da spirit, ju"..."never stop believing" she said...the time will come (eventually).

dia selalu ckp..."love is there when u least expected it..."
she said..."dia pon dah almost putus asa b4 she met her husband...and da fact dat few of her elder sisters are not married made her think dat, it's not worth thinking lar...penat...bior lar org nak cakap ape pon ckp lar...dah xpedulik dah ape org pikir...

but then da "right guy" came...though its a lil bit late, but she accepted her fate..."God has saved da best for last"...she said and she's happy.

the truth is...i'm x worried at all for da fact dat i'm x married...yes kengkadang mmg jeles gak tgk org lain ade org yg amik berat et al...but most of da time bende tuh suma x really bother me...
as da fact of getting married and stuck with the same guy for da rest of ur life tuh lar yg really scare me(to death)...nak kata aku jenis yg suka mgatal+bpoya2+flirty xjugak(mmg TAK pon sebenornya)...tp ntah arr...i x think i'm ready to commit(even at da age of 30, i still think i'm x ready to take care of others)

and i just x know bile aku akan bsedia nak mbawak a bouquet of white roses nih...(^o^) hohoho

breaks...

life is getting more and more difficult...no more leisure break...

and a break is not considered as a break if ur mind keeps on thinking bout work...

(*O*)

i hate working...not da fact dat i hate teaching....NOPE!!!

i can confidently say dat i love teaching...

i ADORE this profession....very2 much...

its da other work dat i have to do besides teaching that drives me nuts...makes me cranky...and it seriously affects me (LOTS) in my work
especially in
my concentration...
my passion...
my strength...
my priority...

apparently, da small stone has become a heavy rock (*O*)

 

 da burden dat makes my life miserable...

p/s: thank god i love da kids...or else i've long gone "loopy"...

life during a christmas holiday...

dis is my 2nd christmas break in labuan...
nothing special....
things just basically da same like last year...
nothing more...nothing less (*O*)

sumtimes, i think...
my life will be da same for more years to come...
nothing is going to make it different...
not just yet...

but...
i long for sumting different to happen...
if only god permits it...
(^o^)
insyaallah...

life is a BLESS...

life is a blessing...

for those who realise it.

life is a blessing...

for those who think.

life is a blessing...

for those who are thankful.

life is a blessing...

when u hv ur frens around u.

life is a blessing...

when u hv more than enough to eat.

life is a blessing...

when u r still alive and kicking.

life is a blessing...ONLY if we think about it that way...for those people out there who are still complaining about things that happen around you...please take a few minutes to ponder about how we are blessed as we are given the chance:

to breath...

able to inhale da cool breeze everyday,

to see...

all da beautiful things the world has to offer,

to talk...

communicate and express our emotions,

to walk...

from one place to another,

to smell...

the lovely fragrance of flowers,

to eat...

all the best food in the world,

to sleep...

into a deep calm slumber,

to laugh...

our heart out.

to be able to do all sort of unimaginable things...

we are just lucky to be alive...just ALIVE (^o^)

life is tiring...

sometimes lots of concern people can really make u tired...

when i first moved to labuan with my chinese friend...people were talking bout us...
and whenever they had a chance to sit+talk with me...they normally asked me da same questions...

"ur housemate chinese ker?"
"macamana makan?xde masalah ker"
"ok ker dok ngan chinese?"
"dia x bwk bende pelik2 msk rumah?"
"boleh duduk sekali ngan org cina?"

well...why not???

i know they are concern...and they are doing their job to make sure aku selamat-morally and spiritually...
and,most of the time i only smiled for da questions posed to me....i'm TOO lazy to bother lar...
pelik sgt ker dok skali ngan chinese lady...bcos aku xrase pape pon yg patut dipelikkan...
and do they really think i'm THAT stupid ker nak mkn bende yg bukan2....
hello!!!

to me, there's nothing wrong if u nak dok ngan org bangsa lain pon...yang penting skali u hv to respect one another...bcos i do believe..."if u wanna be respected, u hv to start respecting others"...
without respect, dok arr ngan bangsa ape sekalipon...tetap akan ade problem...

thank god....so far kami xde problem...mkn ok...privacy ok...
she respects my religion and i respect her religion...
sometimes, she's the one yg remind me bout my obligation (^o^) and i did the same....

so, hopefully tuhan akan melindungi aku dr terpesong ke jalan2 yg serong...insyaallah...

life shouldnt be THAT scary...

our world sometimes is a very scary place to live in...
things happen to us whether we like it or not...
but, thats life (^o^)
things just happen...just like dat...

it can either be gud if u r lucky to receive all da gud things in life...
but sumtimes (most of da time 4 certain ppl) it can be bad...

and as a normal human being...people would react differently in different situations...

some people will just laugh...

 

others will make da situation worst...

its very rare for us to let them lean on us...

rather than laughing at them...
or making their difficult life more miserable,
why cant we gv them our shoulder instead...
it wouldnt be dat bad...rite??? and life would be better isnt it???

hurm...i x know...mayb...

besides,
who am i 2 decide...who am i 2 judge...
i'm a NOBODY...

so...its better for me to just live my life quietly...as usual...
(^o^)
life is good if u make it good...

life can be scary...

life can be scary...sumtimes (*O*)

we just dont know whom to trust...whom shouldnt be trusted...

people come in different shapes and sizes...
different attitudes and personalities...
different way of thinking...
different walks of life...
different likes and dislikes...
we are all different in all aspects...
just DIFFERENT...

some are gud...really sincerely gud with others...
some pretend to be gud in front of others...
some dont even bother to be gud to others...

so, just be careful....da world dat we live in is such a dangerous place to be...
just BEWARE (^v^) dont let urself be the victims of situations...life shouldnt be dat scary...

be gud to others if u want others to be gud to u...