N.U.M.B

LOSING someone...
is this how it feels like???

its VERY difficult to describe my feeling...
i know i'm sad...i am supposed to BE sad.
its just that, i feel empty...
i feel NUMB...
i just feel numb.
and, once in a while, in between the numbness, my tears just won't stop dropping like crazy...even when i'm doing nothing (especially when i was doing nothing + alone)... i tried to pull myself together (i really tried), but i keep on losing it. its like i have no control over my mind nowadays.

i used to hate people who cry over nothing...
i hate people who cry over movies...
i hate people who can just cry over silly things...
sorry to admit that.. I have become THAT person.

i always marvel my friends who have lost their loved ones...how do they cope???
why do they look ok??? Didn't they have a hard time letting go??? why everything seems easy for others??? and why it's d*** difficult for me???

now, i have no control over my tears.
they just flow whenever they feel like it.
and there's nothing i can do to stop it.
i have become THAT person who cries over nothing...
i can even cry watching funny cartoons...
how silly that may sound to you people out there...
BUT
that's ME...for NOW

the missing piece of my life...

My Beloved father:

MUKHTER BIN ABD. RAHMAN

13th June 1941 - 13th November 2011

life is like a box of chocolate...- forrest gump

life is unexpected...

life is full of surprises...

life is SHORT...

al fatihah to my dear father...
i'll try my best to be a better person...
hoping that he'll be happier down there...
AL-FATIHAH.

Lifelong Lesson

"Nobody but YOU are responsible for your life"

                                                                                                -Oprah-

The wake-up call i got from watching Oprah last week. Whatever happen in my life was ALL because of ME...ME...and ME alone. I'm totally responsible for the energy i created for my life...

as what Oprah said,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Its already done. All the energy that you spend trying to hurt somebody else, that energy will turn around and slap you in the face"

and i definitely don't want to get slapped ...i know i'm not perfect (at least i know NOBODY is)...

Things that have happened around me...rather than thinking of how to get even, i would just LET THEM BE...i'm tired of dealing with mentally-sicked people...so, let them do what they want...let them say what they want...let them think what they want...asalkan diorg bahagia, buat lar apepun...

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!

Quiet...quiet...quiet day (^o^

its a totally difference ambiance today compared to last year...

1. if last year, i had a boisterous shoutings of birthday songs, this year nobody even noticed the date...(except for closest friends).

2. if last year, we went out for our normal seafood getaway, this year i decided to fast on my birthday.

3. if last year, we just stayed home and celebrate, this year we went to KK and i gave myself a brand-new carlo rino bag collection (yg sampai skang pon blom pakai2 lg nih).

my colleagues asked why i decided to fast on my birthday and why i keep on refusing their invitations for birthday dinner / luncheon (*O*) well, i just don't feel like celebrating this year...just not in the mood.
and i obviously hate the fact that the number keeps on increasing every year..though people always said, "its just a number" TAKPE...i know that but WHY CAN'T IT STAY CONSTANT???

i miss the old days...i miss the university years...all those fun things that we had for 5-miserable (tuh perasaan time muda2 dulu lar) years...i just wish i could experience them back.

AND,if  i were given the chance to go back,

I KNOW I WON'T CHANGE A THING (^o^)

i love all those miserable years...

i love all the fighting...all the rows...

i love all the giggles...all the stupid jokes...

i love all the outings (yg kadang2 x balik2)...

i love all the rejected assignments...project papers...

i love all the presentations...group/individual works...

i love EVERYTHING - especially i love being YOUNG and kicking.

if only i can be 18 forever....

BINSULOK anyone???

Venue: Binsulok Nature Resort

On the 13th May 2011, around 50 participants and 10 organizing committee headed to Binsulok Nature Resort, Kuala Penyu for a 3-day course of "Friendship Camp 2: Series 1". The objective of the course is to strengthen the bonds between KML staff in general regardless of their age and status. It is also a platform for all of us (especially the new ones) to get to know one another better.

1. B = Been stuck there for three days from May 13 to May 15, 2011.
2. I = Interesting new adventures and knowledge has been shared throughout the 3-day course and it's seriously very useful to us...TQ for the knowledge-sharing session.
3. N = Never thought of doing some of the so-called crazy things that the Urusetia asked us to do. (and i've checked the first Friendship Camp participants, diorg x kene pon makan telor mentah (*O*) x aci!!!)
4. S = Some other activities that we had done, such as crawling in the muddy water (twice hokayyyyy kene berkubang tuh) + eating raw egg (nasib baik sebijik jer) + set up own camp - our first class suite (and sleeping in it) + cooking for ALL + make a raft etc.

5. U = Uncomfortable for having to sleep in a tent but knowing my capabilities of sleeping just about anywhere, my nights were always undisturbed...hohoho (^O^) lucky me..but i woke up every morning with muscle ache + stiff neck lar because of the uneven ground.

6. L = "Life is hard but it teaches us to be stronger", one important thing that we learnt from this course
7. O = Obviously we had fun (i dont know what they felt inside, but judging from their faces, their cooperation, their shouts and screams...they look contented.
8. K = Knowing people has never been this fun...seriously (zillions of thanks to those Urusetia for putting my name in..though i did grumble when i first got to know i was chosen to be the participants, but i did have a great time there).

Things i've learnt from the course:

1. I WILL love+appreciate my own bed more after experiencing all this...
2. Eggs would be a NO-NO for a verrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy2 long time...i need to let the raw taste to disappear before i start to consume egg again...(i seriously wonder how some people can actually 'drink' raw eggs every morning)...
3. Asking people's names are actually a waste of time (as it turned out during the next day, i wont even remember their names)...but knowing me...i dont really need to know their names to be closer to them because aku mmg jenis yang suka berbual dgn org as if we have known for years...just dont ask me about their names lar (*v*)...
4. Incik2 urusetia yang garang2 tu sebenarnya berlakon jer jadik garang....chaitttttttttttttttt (*O*) once dah balik kolej baru tau, giler sepastik suma orang itu...
5. I should have bought the giant-size prawns yang kami terjumpa dalam perjalanan because in labuan the price would be costly...haish, menyesal...menyesal...menyesal...

So, thats it for now...i'll ramble again once i do another crazy thingy...

WET and FURIOUS (^O^) Part II

After a long wait at the train station,our adventure begins with a train ride on "The Last Train of Borneo" the renowned for its oldest train on the island that takes us through the jungle and tunnel and  bring us along the gorge and canyon by giving us an exquisite glimpses of the river and the thrills to come. We also passed the Pangi Hydroelectric Dam which is just before the water rafting area and the rapid there is even worst than what we're about to experience.

The train finally stopped at Pangi Station, our starting point. There is where we got ready, putting on our life jacket + safety helmet and listening to the short safety briefing by the funny + witty + knowledgeable guide, Mr Eduardo.

all geared -up and bergambo sblom masuk air

We started rafting from Pangi through the crashing + smashing waves down to Rayoh and most of us was already soaked-up (literally) with the atmosphere.

nilah dia our 'rapid point' map...

So, here comes the juiciest part of the trip  (^O^):

Tadaa,

Memperkenalkan watak2 utama dalam WET and FURIOUS Part II:

Amin The Pacifier yang sentiasa tenang and menenangkan org lain, Rudy The Worrier yang asek risau jer sepanjang masa,  Al-Amin The Wanderer yang sentiasa "lost" dalam dunia dia yang tersendiri, Leirfos The Cool yang rilex jer dok kat depan raft, Adeline The Fallen yang asek2 jatuh tergolek kene langgar waves, Ijoy The Drifter yang ter'hanyut' tak sempat nak kutip balik masuk raft and Ju The Diver yang minum air sungai kurang manis yg keruh bergelen2 (^O^)

p/s: Nama2 watak ntok kali ini hanyalah rekaan semata2 based on my personal observation on that day, so no hard feelings arrr guys (^O^)

When our guide stopped us for a while to ask for our options, we chose to go through all the stream and we have chosen the extreme...lgpon kalo tak buat sekarang, bila lagi kan??? We are not going to live forever and we dont know what will happen in the future, so sementara ada peluang nih we'd better enjoy our life to the fullest while we still can (^o^) right???

Our guide has already warned us about the consequences, rapids were ferocious he said and kami ada "50-50" chance that the raft might capsize due to the waves and we would be thrown out of the raft...masa tuh tak pikir ape lagi dah, ape nak jadik, jadik lar (*O*) disebabkan kami dah buat pilihan so kami tawakkal jer lar...and true enough, though the raft was not capsized (Alhamdulillah), two of us were thrown out and one of the lucky ones was me...and the other one that i've accidentally pulled along would be Rudy...Sorry babe, tak sengaja tertarik ko sekali...sorry...sorry...sorry v(@_@)v

Being under water, at first, i tried to struggle (panic mungkin because tak pandai berenang) but i know its useless as i remember the guide said just follow the flow, do not fight the current. So, while i was trying to calm myself down, thats when i heard the voice, a very calming + soothing voice with a lil' bit of panic "Ju, jangan risau...kami ada...kami akan selamatkan kau,ko Ok Ju, ko Ok, kami ada selamatkan ko" and I'm OK seriously and i love it...the rapid part i mean, not the tumbling over part eh (^o*) but at the same time, it was funny.. dah rase macam cerita cerekarama melayu plak bile dengar dialog tuh..Thanks to the tuan empunya voice, Mr Amin for pulling me out of the murky water(rasanya macam amin guna sebelah tangan jer tarik aku kn???)...macam senang betul aku dah ada balik dalam raft tuh (^v^) macam terbang masuk pon ada aku rase time tuh...

inilah dia my life saviour (^o^) dah ada termasuk sket watak2 tambahan kt belakang nun...

I don't know what to feel at that time..relieved??? YUP, OBVIOUSLY i'm relieved because aku dah ditarik naik dengan jayanya... regret for choosing what we have chosen??? NOPE, OBVIOUSLY not..we're HAPPY that we've actually TRIED it...am i right guys??? TWO THUMBS UP for us and everybody in the raft... (Tapi setiap kali bercerita pasal nih, mesti jantung still berdebar2...ngeri sebenornya weih dok dalam air yang pape pon tak nampak)

Lupa plak, sape yang selamatkan rudy arrr???

After that rapid washed me clean (^o*), we stopped for a while at Rayoh Station (after the 9th kilometers of rafting which covers seven classes III-IV rapids...thats what the internet says lar after i googled for information) for a  quick sumptuous lunch and  i just lovvveeeeeeeee the lamb dish, its a nice treat after tasting that awful murky water of padas...OMG (^o^) the lamb was superb and i just couldnt get enough of it.

Once we have finished our lunch, we continued the rafting journey up to Halogilat where it marked the end of our journey (*O*)  From there we have to take another train ride from Halogilat to Beaufort where our vans were already waiting with our change of clothes. So, dengan basah2 and air yang still dripping, we board the train to go back.

Train balik kaler pink tuh...haish (*O*) i seriously hate pink

To sum up,this is truly an adrenaline-rush experience that everybody should try. Its worth your money, worth the sweat, worth the scream, worth a few gulps (^O*)  and DEFINITELY worth trying.

p/s: This is a story that happened to me during the trip...the story that I KNOW (definitely bukan cerita rekaan yer) Cerita2 laen yang berlaku di luar pengetahuan aku, aku x dapat nak tulis lar eh, MINTAK MAAF bebanyak...bukan apa, takut nnt, ade tersilap fakta ker apa kalo aku pandai2 bercerita bende yang aku TIDAK tau...and aku xmo tanggung dosa bercerita cerita2 rekaan nih (^O^) so, enjoy the stories!!!

WET and FURIOUS (^O^) Part I

9 January 2011

The first activity to start a very2 good year - A Friendship Trip to White- Water Rafting at Padas River, Beaufort.

The journey started as early as 7.00am by the college bus.

Everybody was anxious to begin the expedition as we got a morning call even before 7 asking about our whereabouts as they can't wait to go to the ferry terminal. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived at the terminal, the speed boats are not there yet (they're probably still snuggling comfortably under their blanket, tgh golek2 dgn air liur basi lg tuh...its sunday for goodness sake)...We waited patiently for the boats while making other passengers' life miserable with our thunderous laughters and rumbling noise (^o^) mesti sebenornya passengers lain tuh tgh menahan diri jer nak meroyan....haish, kitorg nih pagi2 lg dah setat buat bising...

tgh anxious tggu speed boat

The speed boats arrived around 8.00am.

Most of us agreed, the speed boat ride is our first training before we throw ourselves into the Padas River. The bumpy + roller-coaster joyride took us 30 minutes from Labuan to Menumbok. We stop for breakfast at Menumbok before we resumed our journey by van for another 3-hour ride to Tenom via Beaufort and Sipitang.

The journey was full of deafening laughters and ludicrous stories created mostly by ALL the storytellers from the back-benchers. They have given us free amusement and totally chased the boredom away,and all that JUST by listening to their stories. However, their hilarious laughter and their booming voices apparently didn't help in preventing our van driver from dozing off and nearly drove us all into the drain.He apologized to us all, stopped the van, took a puff while the rest of us stepped out of the van for a short photo session.  Sempat lg tuh nak bergambo2 bagai...haish!!!

melegakan tali perut sekejap (^o^)

We continued our journey from Tenom to Padas River by train..its "the old+conventional+antique+zaman dolu2 nyer train"...

 tgh tggu train dtg...

and believe it or not, another drama happened inside the train but i cannot tell you people more abut it as i just heard noises from far, i was not near the snene...Thank god i sat at a different coach. Alhamdullillah!!! But, despite all the drama, i seriously like riding that antique train...sangat bising tapi i like it....but the train ride is a very short journey, and along the way we can actually see the river and the current that we're going in later. The breathtaking scene really took our breath away...LITERALLY (*O*) masing2 dah kecut tali perot dah masa nih tgk sungai yg deras tuh...hohoho

and tuh baru 40% of the whole stories...the rest of the stories akan muncul dalam sedikit masa lg (^o^)...bwk2 bersabar yer kengkawan...cerita meroyan dalam air akan dikeluarkan ntok Part II (^o^) i'm still trying to arrange all my thoughts together nak kasik "kaw2" nyer cerita...